A man loses three fingers in a work accident.

[MadJack]

At the hospital he asks the doctor, "Will I be able to drive with this hand?"
The doctor replies, "Maybe. But I wouldn't count on it."

 

[kickserv]

At the hospital he asks the doctor, "Will I be able to drive with this hand?"
The doctor replies, "Maybe. But I wouldn't count on it."

 

[kickserv]

I went and saw my doctor the other day, and he told me I had to stop masturbating. I asked him why and he said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."​

 

[kickserv]

A shrinking man visits his doctor yelling, “Doctor! Doctor! I’m getting smaller and smaller and smaller!”
His Doctor replies, “Now now, I can’t fix things right away, you’ll just have to be a little patient.”

 

[kickserv]

“Doctor, doctor! All five of my boys want to be valet when they grow up!”
“Sounds like a really bad case of parking sons disease.”

 

[kickserv]

I’ve got a disease where I can’t stop telling airport jokes. The doctor says its terminal.

 

[kickserv]

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.

She told me to stop going to those places.

 

[kickserv]

I told the doctor I didn’t want brain surgery. But he changed my mind.

 

[kickserv]

Dr.'s are saying not to worry about the bird flu because it's tweetable.

 

[kickserv]

A man goes to the doctors and says, “Doctor, I think I’m going deaf!”

And the doctor says, “Can you describe the symptoms?”

The man responds, “Yes, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair.”

 

[JOSHNAUDI]

I saw my Doc yesterday.

He said, "Don't eat anything fatty."

I said, "Ok, like brisket and burgers?"

He said, "No fatty, don't eat anything!!!"

 

[yyz]

I got a physical today. My doctor asked, "When was the last time you saw your dick?"

"Gee. It's been a while."

"Well, you should diet."

"Why? What color is it?"