Making friendly with the neighborhood
- Thread starter MadJack
- Start date
Living in the city ain't where it's at.
It's like trying to find gold in a silver mine.
It's like trying to drink whisky from a bottle of wine.
Annual Inspection Update.
HOA members, the covenant inspections were conducted this past weekend. We will be sending the letters out by certified mail by Thursday, 24 August.
Some statistics, a total of thirty-two (32) properties had violations with the most prominent violation being covenant 11 (landscaping) with a total of 29 violations. In some cases, homes only had one (1) tree in the front, but needed a second tree while in a handful of cases, the existing trees were either much too small (1-1/2 inch caliper is the standard) or were totally dead.
Four (4) homes had satellite dishes that were on poles in their side yard (covenant 15), two (2) homes do not have their street addresses in stone on the outside of their home (covenant 6) or were in violation of covenant 28 -- trailer in the front yard or parked in the street.
:facepalm:
HOA members, the covenant inspections were conducted this past weekend. We will be sending the letters out by certified mail by Thursday, 24 August.
Some statistics, a total of thirty-two (32) properties had violations with the most prominent violation being covenant 11 (landscaping) with a total of 29 violations. In some cases, homes only had one (1) tree in the front, but needed a second tree while in a handful of cases, the existing trees were either much too small (1-1/2 inch caliper is the standard) or were totally dead.
Four (4) homes had satellite dishes that were on poles in their side yard (covenant 15), two (2) homes do not have their street addresses in stone on the outside of their home (covenant 6) or were in violation of covenant 28 -- trailer in the front yard or parked in the street.
:facepalm:
Forget the covenants......I have a question:
Why the hell did you move there?
You can't call it your home if you have to ask someone it you can plant a tree, or if your address numbers look good.
don`t get me started on the loud music thing...when i was an apartment dweller i almost got locked up because of some inconsiderate slag who couldn`t breathe without having his stereo at full blast(it`s worth going to jail over,imo)...
i don`t think theres anything more maddening than a loud stereo 24-7....some people can`t seem to live without that constant thumping in the background.....
Wow. I thought mine was bad, but its got nothing on yours.
What do you do if you don't already have your address carved in stone on your house? Call an engraving company? Wow.
:0003
The builders should have known that and fortunately mine did so I'm in the clear.
I got busted on trees out front, I want my trees out back and that's where I put them.
No biggie, I'm stuck here for 5 years I'm thinking.
Why didn't they have the builders put the trees where they wanted them too? Jeez. I got a letter a couple years back about needing to weed once of my mulched areas.....handful of those little guys you pull out with your thumb and index finger, lol. Whatever. My favorite is what they decided to do with our excess funds....all these old fuckers decided to put this in the green space in front of my house.
Let me know if anyone want to get married here, lol
There is a book called - The Association - Which turns HOA offenders in to "Stumpies"
Recommended
http://www.amazon.com/The-Association-Bentley-Little/dp/0451204123
The Association
Bentley Little (Author)
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
Let's face it. Homeowner's Associations can be a tool dispensing a veritable fountain of useful dictations - provided that you want to follow them. They, the police policing policy, look through all the little things we do and they create bylaws to keep them from becoming too overwhelming. In some cases, that means that you wouldn't be allowed to have a basketball behind your house, keep a flagpole in your yard, or build that utility shed you wanted. In others, it could mean fines because you paint your house some strange color or because you put too many plants in your yard. And some, as Barry and Maureen Welch soon find out as they acquire a home in Bonita Vista - gated community in the middle of nowhere (the ultimate desire of the extremely wealthy to either live or vacation in) -, go farther, making life a miserable little game of limb loss and bully tactics.
What begins with an infraction for having a yard sale soon introduces the reader to a world that isn't such a nice place. Here, an Association lords over everything, hatching sinister plots while using a tome of laws they use like some kind of suburban bible. It is suspected of poisoning animals, of making people leaving int he middle of the night, and other rumors are spoken of about people always watching other people. This makes the residents therein all distrust one another, all thinking they're quite possibly spies for the Association. But why? What horror could possibly motivate people to think like that? Well, in answering that, you need to add in townsfolk living outside of the gated community that hate the residents therein for their own reasons, cats stuffed into mailboxes and tales of a man named Stumpy because of his lack of appendages, and monstrosities.
Now, I'm a fan of Little's work, having liked his creation of The Collection and The Walking, and I expected a lot out of him. Well, after absorbing this book and the way it all came together, I would have to say that I walked away a little disappointed but that I got a nice laugh out of the way this was set up. I liked the fact that there was an Association of Homeowners becoming the pivot in the master plan for terror, and I loved the fact that it laughed at the life hidden behind those tarnish-proof gates.
My problem here came because the ending seemed rushed, like the bizarre was approached too quickly for a build that took quite a bit of time only to ultimately disappoint. It was a shame, too, because it seemed as if the story were going to go somewhere for a while, with the characters meshing well and Little's writing style panning out. Unfortunately, some of the description began to drag and the book began to drone a little, making me long for something to punctuate it all. That said, I was still hooked, wanting to know how the Association was going to try to up its hand and if it had a garden where it grew baby stumpies.
And, in a way, this compulsive "knowing" disease I've somehow acquired, the one that makes me keep reading, gave me some mixed emotions.
If you want some of Little's better works, you could try The Walking (although the ending is a little anticlimactic) or you could obtain The Collection first to see what you think on it. Personally, The Collection would be the choice I would recommend and I would say that you might want to work up to this piece, unless you can see the humor in the horror that an Association could provide.
Editorial Reviews
From Publishers Weekly
With this haunting tale, Little (The Town) proves that he hasn't lost his terrifying touch. Barry and Maureen Welch are thrilled to exchange their chaotic California lifestyle for the idyllic confines of Bonita Vista, a ritzy gated community in the unincorporated fictional town of Corban, Utah. But as Bonita Vista residents, they're required to become members of the neighborhood's Homeowners' Association, a meddling group that uses its authority to spy on neighbors, eradicate pets and dismember anyone who fails to pay association dues and fines. Maureen, an accountant, and Barry, a horror writer who is banned by the association from writing at home, soon find themselves trapped in the kind of deranged world that Barry once believed existed only within the safety of his imagination. The novel's graphic and fantastic finale demonstrates the shortsightedness of the Association and will stick with readers for a long time. Little's deftly drawn characters inhabit a suspicious world laced with just enough sex, violence and Big Brother rhetoric to make this an incredibly credible tale.
Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.
Review
"You must read this book." ?Stephen King
"Fast-paced, rock-'em, jolt-'em, shock-'em...terror fiction. Unusually clever." ?Dean Koontz
Recommended
http://www.amazon.com/The-Association-Bentley-Little/dp/0451204123
The Association
Bentley Little (Author)
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
Let's face it. Homeowner's Associations can be a tool dispensing a veritable fountain of useful dictations - provided that you want to follow them. They, the police policing policy, look through all the little things we do and they create bylaws to keep them from becoming too overwhelming. In some cases, that means that you wouldn't be allowed to have a basketball behind your house, keep a flagpole in your yard, or build that utility shed you wanted. In others, it could mean fines because you paint your house some strange color or because you put too many plants in your yard. And some, as Barry and Maureen Welch soon find out as they acquire a home in Bonita Vista - gated community in the middle of nowhere (the ultimate desire of the extremely wealthy to either live or vacation in) -, go farther, making life a miserable little game of limb loss and bully tactics.
What begins with an infraction for having a yard sale soon introduces the reader to a world that isn't such a nice place. Here, an Association lords over everything, hatching sinister plots while using a tome of laws they use like some kind of suburban bible. It is suspected of poisoning animals, of making people leaving int he middle of the night, and other rumors are spoken of about people always watching other people. This makes the residents therein all distrust one another, all thinking they're quite possibly spies for the Association. But why? What horror could possibly motivate people to think like that? Well, in answering that, you need to add in townsfolk living outside of the gated community that hate the residents therein for their own reasons, cats stuffed into mailboxes and tales of a man named Stumpy because of his lack of appendages, and monstrosities.
Now, I'm a fan of Little's work, having liked his creation of The Collection and The Walking, and I expected a lot out of him. Well, after absorbing this book and the way it all came together, I would have to say that I walked away a little disappointed but that I got a nice laugh out of the way this was set up. I liked the fact that there was an Association of Homeowners becoming the pivot in the master plan for terror, and I loved the fact that it laughed at the life hidden behind those tarnish-proof gates.
My problem here came because the ending seemed rushed, like the bizarre was approached too quickly for a build that took quite a bit of time only to ultimately disappoint. It was a shame, too, because it seemed as if the story were going to go somewhere for a while, with the characters meshing well and Little's writing style panning out. Unfortunately, some of the description began to drag and the book began to drone a little, making me long for something to punctuate it all. That said, I was still hooked, wanting to know how the Association was going to try to up its hand and if it had a garden where it grew baby stumpies.
And, in a way, this compulsive "knowing" disease I've somehow acquired, the one that makes me keep reading, gave me some mixed emotions.
If you want some of Little's better works, you could try The Walking (although the ending is a little anticlimactic) or you could obtain The Collection first to see what you think on it. Personally, The Collection would be the choice I would recommend and I would say that you might want to work up to this piece, unless you can see the humor in the horror that an Association could provide.
Editorial Reviews
From Publishers Weekly
With this haunting tale, Little (The Town) proves that he hasn't lost his terrifying touch. Barry and Maureen Welch are thrilled to exchange their chaotic California lifestyle for the idyllic confines of Bonita Vista, a ritzy gated community in the unincorporated fictional town of Corban, Utah. But as Bonita Vista residents, they're required to become members of the neighborhood's Homeowners' Association, a meddling group that uses its authority to spy on neighbors, eradicate pets and dismember anyone who fails to pay association dues and fines. Maureen, an accountant, and Barry, a horror writer who is banned by the association from writing at home, soon find themselves trapped in the kind of deranged world that Barry once believed existed only within the safety of his imagination. The novel's graphic and fantastic finale demonstrates the shortsightedness of the Association and will stick with readers for a long time. Little's deftly drawn characters inhabit a suspicious world laced with just enough sex, violence and Big Brother rhetoric to make this an incredibly credible tale.
Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.
Review
"You must read this book." ?Stephen King
"Fast-paced, rock-'em, jolt-'em, shock-'em...terror fiction. Unusually clever." ?Dean Koontz
I feel one of my trees may not make the grade. How long do we have after being notified to do something about it. I feel that with proper watering and a lot of miracle grow it may pass inspections in a year.
Hi Scott. The "get well date" is 30 September primarily because of prime Fall tree planting season. We need to take a look at the tree and your supply of Miracle Grow. You know, there is a limit of how many applications you can provide landscaping within any given period!
JESUS! :facepalm:
The 2nd quote is from my next door neighbor, who is the president of the HOA. You know, the guy that has a fence separating my yard and his but he doesn't weed whack my side of the fence that's on HIS property.
WTF does HE know about Miracle grow supply?
Jebus Christ!
